This will give you an orientation to understanding and communicating with your baby or toddler, how I approach helping parents do so, and to getting started on what you can look for.
I view a baby/toddler as a whole person born with innate abilities for communication, movement, and understanding their world. Once parents learn how to hook into these abilities and let them flourish, two-way understanding deepens and any needed bonding repair happens naturally.
Here are some of the ways those innate abilities shine—and hence, aspects of Conscious Baby.
Processing Birth Story
Babies and toddlers are driven to understand their experiences—it’s part of survival. But it goes a step further—they are also driven to heal. If something feels off, they actively seek to understand. If something feels hurtful, they seek to express their feelings and find resolution.
Babies remember their birth. Toddlers are still connected often to their entire history, from “waiting in the wings” or conception to pregnancy to birth, and of course after birth. They do not judge or blame. They simply need to process, which can include feelings and sometimes needing enough information to understand what happened.
It shows up sometimes as something that feels off but you can’t put your finger on; or you don’t feel as bonded as you wish; or something about the birth feels forever unsettling to you; or your baby seems always uncomfortable, unhappy, or your toddler demanding.
They will literally show us their story, and they want to tell us all about it. When given loving, listening space, they will lead the process, and it’s magical!
What to look for > Does your baby like to push and arch as if trying to be born? Does your toddler play in ways that mimic something about the birth experience? These are signals your child is still processing birth!
Sleep
Sleep is required for survival. And sleep itself is a state, versus a skill. And yet, so many babies/toddlers—and their beautiful, exhausted parents—do not sleep well.
When you’re feeling stressed or troubled, how does it affect your state of being? Does it “keep you awake at night”? Or for some, it’s body tension or inability to focus. The same is true for babies, and they’re attempting to communicate these things with us—apparent once you know where to look and how to navigate it. It’s often lurking behind the things you find yourself doing to get Baby to stop crying or to sleep.
Don’t lose hope though, for this is where lies the gold! Delving in here is exactly the arena that will help you ‘get into your child’s head’ and build foundations for life.
What to look for > Would your baby keep crying “if you don’t ___”? Or will your baby sleep “only if you ___”? These are signals there’s something ‘keeping them up at night.’
Baby-led Motor Development
Fun fact—typically developing babies will find sitting, standing, and walking on their own, without being taught! And more critically—doing so will provide optimal development for their bodies and brains, right now and for their future.
This information is new for most parents. It’s also counter to much product advertising (think propping devices), and is often beyond pediatricians’ knowledge (they are focused on pathology; for wellness, best to seek milestone advice from someone trained in the details of reflexes and how movement develops in the body).
As you learn how to track motor milestones and use the handling tips that support development on your baby’s terms, even this will give you immense insight about your child and increased communication. (Plus, it’s really fun!)
What to look for > Is your baby comfortable on his/her side? (Notice I didn’t say tummy yet 😉) Do you find yourself putting Baby into a propping device often as a habit? If not or if so, there’s more your child wants to show you!
Wrapping up
There’s more, of course, to understanding and communicating with your child—and to Conscious Baby, including more aspects of Aware Parenting and toddler behaviors. But I hope this gives you some framing and ideas for how to relate more deeply with your child.
For more about the cornerstone concepts behind Conscious Baby, see my About page >